This is my story: Do not call unclean what God has made clean
A neon rainbow (showing the six colours of the LGBT+ Pride flag) glows against a wall covered in written messages: Love is love, live and let love, love is a human right, support love, love wins. Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash.
“I felt God speak quietly and gently into my heart: ‘Do not call unclean what I have made clean; I have made you in my image, and I love you.’”
‘This is my story’ is an occasional series of short devotions, based around the Bible, the experiences of Open Table members, reflection and prayer.
This month, Richard Bibby-Brooke, an Open Table Wirral member, reflects on how God called him to serve, to love and be loved, despite Richard feeling he wasn’t good enough.
Reading
Peter went up on the roof of the house about noon in order to pray. He became hungry and wanted something to eat; while the food was being prepared, he had a vision. He saw heaven opened and something coming down that looked like a large sheet being lowered by its four corners to the earth. In it were all kinds of animals, reptiles, and wild birds. A voice said to him, “Get up, Peter; kill and eat!” But Peter said, “Certainly not, Lord! I have never eaten anything ritually unclean or defiled.” The voice spoke to him again, “Do not consider anything unclean that God has declared clean.”
Acts 10:9-15 (GNB)
Reflection
I was brought up in the Roman Catholic tradition, where faith and going to church were a regular feature of everyday life. Baptised as a baby, I made my First Holy Communion at the age of 7 and was confirmed at the age of 14. I developed what I would describe as a personal relationship with God.
At the same time, I had a strong sense that that relationship was dependent and conditional on me offering myself in service in some way. Plus, a good dose of ‘Catholic guilt’ convinced me that, no matter how I did this, it would never quite be good enough.
I frequently considered a vocation to the priesthood, beginning at a very young age and continuing well into adulthood. At the same time, I became increasingly aware of my sexuality, an awareness that only seemed to get stronger the more I explored becoming a priest.
Convinced by this time that being gay was sinful, a barrier to God’s grace, and therefore completely incompatible with serving God in any way, I gave God an ultimatum: either make me worthy – by making me straight – or stop calling me.
I felt God speak quietly and gently into my heart: “Do not call unclean what I have made clean; I have made you in my image, and I love you.” When I looked up and read Acts 10, I reflected on its meaning. God showed me that my sexuality, far from being sinful, is in fact God’s gift. It is God’s calling to me to discover who I truly am. The only sin had been to try to change or reject the way God had made me.
Since then, God has led me to new spiritual homes in the Open Table Network and the United Reformed Church. Through them, God taught me to “come as you are”, to simply be, with no obligation to try to impress God. We are more than enough, just as we are.
Reflect for a moment:
Are you still trying to convince yourself or God that you’re worthy of God’s love?
Have you ever felt God saying to you ‘You’re enough’?
Could you ever imagine God whispering to you ‘You’re my precious child. You are more than enough.’
Prayer
Gracious God,
When I underestimate your welcome,
forgive me.
When I doubt you can help me,
open my eyes.
When my heart is broken,
surround me with your comforting strength.
In all I am and all I do,
may your graciousness be displayed.
Amen.
Author
Richard Bibby-Brooke is a member of Open Table Wirral, where he volunteers as part of the music team.
